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SHOOTING GAZETTE - AUG

“Does this mean that you might become a Bishop?” my friend sounded somewhat incredulous:

“I shouldn’t think so” I said – “but if I do, I will graciously allow you to kiss my ring.” In fact I am a mere Founding Father and I suppose you are wondering what on earth the silly old bugger is blethering on about this time

The answer to that is ‘The Free Church of Country Sports’. You haven’t heard of it, because it is new. It is the product of a fertile brain belonging to one Rod Brammer, who runs a shooting school near Tiverton in Devon. His inspiration came from an answer to a Parliamentary question which asked the Government to ban ritual slaughter of farm animals, where the animal is killed by having its throat cut. It then goes on to become a Kosher Burger or a Kebab. This method of slaughter is part and parcel of both the Jewish (Kosher) and Muslim (Halal) faiths. The Government replied:

“While we realise that such ritual slaughter is cruel, we are not disposed to do anything about it, because we are not able to attack a religion.” This is a fact of law in this country and under European Law. Mr Brammer’s proposition is that Field Sports can and do qualify as a religion. This proposition has been backed by a Constitutional Lawyer, who agrees that Field Sports can qualify as a Church. To qualify as a Church, the proposition has to be backed by the signatures of 7,000 people. This should not be difficult as the Countryside Alliance has a membership of c.100, 000. To qualify as a Church, certain conditions have to be met:

1) The members must meet on a regular basis to discuss and practise their religion – no problem there.

2) Members must wear clothes that signify and show their adherence to the religion – no problem there, either.

3) Field sports involve a form of ritual killing, as does the Christian Religion, although it ‘borrowed’ the idea from a much older religion – indeed a ‘ritual death’ is probably one of the oldest forms of worship. I once attended a St Hubert’s Day Mass in France, where the Priest blessed the hounds and said that – “God is certainly a hunter.” I do not follow any established religion, but I do believe in God and I feel closer to Him / Her when I am hunting, than I do anywhere else.

As you may imagine this proposition is the equivalent of putting a fox in the political chicken run and has provoked a certain amount of hysteria, both in the papers and on the Beeb, which is institutionally against Field Sports. On this basis Mr Brammer is refusing to give the Beeb taped interviews. He knows how clever editing can turn black into white and is refusing to bare his throat to the knife. I think that it is a spiffing idea, which is why I am lending my name to it, or rather; I have set my young friend Willy Poole to put his name to it. Old James is nothing if not cautious.

To find out more about the Church, visit http://uk.geocities.com/mattbrammer@btinternet.com or write to:

The Countryman’s Weekly, Yelverton, Devon. PL20 7 PE.

Last month I wrote about DEFRA and its bugger’s muddle over fallen stock. It now transpires that because of this muddle, the Government stands to be fined a macro amount of Euros for failing to carry out an EU directive (and guess who is going to finish up paying for the mess). All fallen stock is now supposed to be disposed of in a licensed incinerator. It now transpires that c.50% of these incinerators are at Hunt Kennels. If the NuLab Looney Tunes are allowed to have their wicked way and ban hunting then these incinerators will disappear and DEFRA will sink even deeper in a stinking pile of rotting guts and the EU will impose even greater fines on the wretched British Taxpayer. It seems as though; the Euro has finally dropped with this wretched government. This is one of the reasons that the government may appear to be dragging its feet over a new Bill to abolish Hunting. It may well turn its attention to the buggeration of shooting and fishing. It knows that you will make a fuss about broken promises (you did not seriously think that they would be kept, did you?), but at least stuffing you will not land the Government up to its neck in offal.

I was talking to a Huntsman who has an incinerator at his kennels. It seems that a man from DEFRA comes round regularly to inspect the apparatus. The man is always offered a cup of tea, but never drinks it. The Huntsman was puzzled so he had a ring round the kennels and found the same situation maintained. DEFRA man left his tea untouched. Now the secret is out. DEFRA would be charged with enforcing a Hunt ban and the wretched little pen-pusher is terrified that some hunt servant is going to poison him.

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